How to be a good listner?

How to be a Good Listener?? Many people neglect this most important communication skill. Do you know that we spend an average of our waking day communicating? Of this communication time, 9% is spent writing, 16% reading, 30% talking and 45% listening.Immediately after hearing something, most of us can recall only 50% of what we hear. Within two to eight weeks, we can recall only 25% or less of the original message. Our mental attitudes reduce our ability to retain what we hear.Some suggestions to being a good listener are mentioned below.1. First of all stop talking – you can't listen while you are talking. 2. Ask questions – when you don't understand, when you need further clarification, when you want them to like you and when you want to show that you are listening. 3. Don't interrupt – give them time to say what they have to say. 4. Concentrate on what they are saying – actively focus your attention on their words, their ideas and their feelings as they relate to the subject. 5. Look at the prospect – by looking, it gives them confidence that you are, in fact, listening. It helps you to concentrate too. 6. Leave your emotions behind – try to forget your own worries and problems. Leave them outside of the meeting room. They will prevent you from listening well. 7. Understand the main points – concentrate on the main ideas and not the illustrative material. 8. Don't argue mentally – when you are trying to understand other people, it is a handicap to argue with them mentally as they are speaking. This only sets up a barrier between yourself and the speaker. 9. Use the difference in rate – you can listen faster than you can talk. So use this rate difference to your advantage by staying on the right track, anticipating what they are going to say, thinking back over what they have just said and evaluating the development of their argument. You speak at about 100 to 150 words per minutes, but you think at 250 to 500. 10. Learn to listen and you will achieve a great success in your life. A big part of being an effective team member is being a good listener. Do you think your listening skills could use some improving? Simply remember the LADDER to become a better listener. Look at the person speaking to you. If you make eye contact, the speaker feels like he has your undivided attention. If an individual comes into your office to talk, stop what you're doing. When you continue typing or staring at your computer screen, the person talking to you feels insignificant. Ask questions. This shows you're interested and that you're hearing what he's saying. Don't interrupt. When you interrupt, the speaker feels you're not interested in what he's saying and will be frustrated by the inability to finish a complete thought. Take the time to listen – just relax and open your ears! Don't change the subject. Changing the subject indicates that your mind is elsewhere. It shows you're not concentrating on what's being said at that moment, and this makes the speaker feel insignificant. If you change the subject, the speaker could also get the impression that you're avoiding the topic and may be hesitant to bring it up again. Empathize. When someone shares information with you, put yourself in his shoes. Doing this will allow the two of you to discover solutions more easily and will also help you appreciate a perspective different from your own. Respond verbally and non-verbally. Using an enthusiastic tone shows you're interested in what the speaker is saying. Smiling helps too! Avoid crossing your arms since this can be interpreted as being closed off. If you're speaking with someone who's sitting, you should sit too. Standing over someone is too authoritative and may make the other person feel uncomfortable.If you're unsure whether you're a good listener or not, simply take the following test. In your next meeting or conversation, make a mental note or, even better, jot down on a piece of paper the number of times you interrupt. The fewer marks there are on your paper, the better listener you are! This seems like a silly test, but you may be surprised by the quantity of marks on your paper. After all, the worst listeners usually aren't aware that their listening skills need some attention or improvement. Active Listening:WHAT IS ACTIVE LISTENING? The process of listening, clarifying, giving feedback, and self-disclosing. It involves the participation of both parties in verbal and non-verbal ways. Use of “I” statements is imperative.MAKE EYE CONTACT: Be sure to look the speaker in the face most of the time, especially look at her/his eyes. If you forget to make eye contact, the speaker may think you are bored, withdrawn, or simply not listening. Also be culturally sensitive: some individuals may be uncomfortable with too much direct eye contact.TAKE A LISTENING POSITION: Sit or stand in a comfortable position with your body aimed in the general area where the speaker is. Try to be in a relaxed position. Face the speaker and make appropriate eye contact. Be aware of other non-verbals: placement of arms, leaning forward when necessary, head nodding, degree of personal space, smiling.PARAPHRASE THE SPEAKER’S MESSAGE: Paraphrasing means stating in your own words what someone has just said. Some common ways to lead into paraphrases include: • What I hear you saying is… • In other words • So basically how you felt was… • What happened was… • Sounds like you’re feeling… The speaker then has a chance to know you have understood what she/he has said. This also gives the speaker the opportunity to try to make the message more clear if she/he doesn’t think you really understood. Also be sure to reflect feeling words.ASK CLARIFYING QUESTIONS FOR UNDERSTANDING: If something the speaker says is unclear to you, ask her/him a question to get more information. Such questions make you an active, interested listener; the speaker can tell that you’ve been listening enough to have a question and care enough to ask. Ask open ended questions when you need more information, e.g., “Could you give me an example of when you’ve had difficulty talking to your professor?” Avoid the overuse of closed questions; these are questions that just require a yes or no response and tend to halt communication.MAKE COMMENTS, ANSWER QUESTIONS: When the speaker stops or pauses, you can be a good listener by making comments about the same subject. If you change the topic suddenly, she/he may think you weren’t listening. If the speaker asks a question, your answer can show you were listening. Also, use silence to your benefit versus attempting to fill the conversation with constant talk.PROVIDE APPROPRIATE FEEDBACK: Your students are likely to be interested and invested in your opinions and feedback. Monitor your reactions to what they have to say and give reactions in nonjudgmental ways. Feedback should always be given in an honest and supportive way.EMPATHY: Recognize that everyone is trying to survive, get through school successfully, build a support network and deal with the demands of outside life. Sometimes is can be difficult to be empathic if we have had different life experiences or would try a different solution than those tried by our student.OPENNESS: Listen with openness. Be a supportive, but neutral listener. This provides safety for self-disclosure and talk of emotional states. Be careful of judgments and stereotypes you have that block openness. Attempt to put yourself in the other person’s shoes in terms of trying to understand how they feel, while also not becoming consumed with their difficulties. Incorporate your own self-care so that you do not burn out.AWARENESS: Be aware of your own biases. We all have biases-this is part of human nature. The key is to not let them get in the way of what others have to say. Try to fully understand the person and their context versus relying on just your personal experience to guide them.BLOCKS TO LISTENINGTHE SPEAKER’S CONTROL OF THE MESSAGE: A two-way flow of information keeps listeners focused and involved. If the listener can feel free to keep the speaker posted on what and how the listener is feeling and thinking, and if the listener feels free to break in from time to time to clarify, check out the message, etc. then the listener is more involved in the message and is more likely to listen well and attentively. Sometimes the speaker’s control of the message is too rigid and this blocks a two-way flow. Examples: lecturing, advice giving, reprimanding.ASSUMPTIONS: Avoid clouding up your listening attention with assumptions about what the other person is trying to say, what they really mean, what they want the listener to do, etc. Assumptions are often not accurate and they certainly prevent the listener from focusing on what’s being said. If I’m assuming, I’m not listening.BUZZ WORDS: Most people have private buzz words which have a definite emotional charge, sometimes positive, sometimes more negative. When listeners hear their own buzz words, they’re apt to reject or accept the whole message on the basis of their instant emotional reaction to the word or idea. When the buzz work hits, the listening stops.SILENT COUNTER-ARGUMENTS: Listeners who find themselves challenged by what they hear may begin formulating their own counter-arguments while the message is still en route. The listener, though still apparently listening, has shifted focus to refuting what the speaker has “mistakenly” said.DISTRACTIONS: Other things in the environment, in the listener’s own mind, various stimuli that get in the way to truly attending to what another person is saying.INTERUPTIONS: In our haste to share our own ideas, we cut others off. This conveys to the speaker that you do not value what they have to say